This Stretch of Road
by autotoxicity
Summary: Tatsuha attempts to kill himself but the ghost of Kitazawa shows up to stop him. Things aren't as they seem as Kitazawa offers to help Tatsuha out of his funk. It's a curious journey filled with uncertainties. Eventual RyuxTatsxRyu and ?xTats.
1. Chapter 1

This Stretch of Road

I am Uesugi Tatsuha.

Brother to people with celebrity status and yet here I am: a monk in training in the old capital.

I am defined by my fanaticism to my god, Sakuma Ryuichi. Now, all the paths to him have been closed.

My father expects great things from me. But he views success differently from the rest of the new world. To him, my being a successor as the monk of this temple will represent all that he sees as pure and sacred. Far from being pure, I'm also not that simple. I am complicated. I am smart. I am _funny_. I am born to this new world. I don't like to be left behind especially with a responsibility that was not mine to begin with. I am contemplating the _tantō_ that rests before me. White seems to be a good color for death. Fare thee well, brother. I shall usurp your role as the drama queen of this family.

Very romantic.

Quite ironic.

I am going down that road to make a joke. The road to nothingness stretches ahead and I will begin the journey with honor and a blade to my guts.

- - - - -

I know it's nigh impossible for someone as hardheaded as Tatsuha to give up easy and commit suicide but it's such an interesting picture. I have to be bored for him.

Traditional seppuku requires the person to die to wear white. Actually, there are more things needed for it to be a formal affair but we're dealing with a teenager here.


	2. Chapter 2

**This Stretch of Road**

**Chapter 2**

"Weak. Really weak." I hear someone say which causes me to start violently as I thought that I would be alone in my room. There's something familiar about his tone of voice but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I'm sure I've heard it before but when and where, I'm not sure.

But back to the main point of this narrative, an intruder's in my room, interrupting me while I'm getting ready to off myself the most poetic way I know how. And speaking of poetic, I happen to react in the same manner. "Shit," I mutter as I scramble to the wall across me.

"I know you are but what am I?" At this the intruder burst into a strange deep laughter. I don't get it.

"Who are you?" I ask, hoping that he hadn't heard the quiver in my voice. I'm glad the tanto's not that far from me. It's in the middle of the room and the stranger seems to have his back resting on the far wall of my room, his face obscured by shadows.

"I'd like to answer that question with a couple of clichés but I shouldn't be wasting any time here."

"You're doing it right now and you're also creeping me out." I retort. Who is this guy? Maybe I should scream but I'm afraid it's not very manly. I am actually torn between three things: fear of being violently murdered, fear of being regarded as a wuss and the desire to die.

"I'll answer that after you answer this question: are you still going to kill yourself even if I manage to show you a way out of this hole?"

What's a guy to do, eh? So I answer, "I don't think so. If you can pry my future from my father's clutches without breaking any hearts, I'm all yours."

"I am not the devil, Tatsuha-kun. Just someone who inadvertently played his agent in your lives. But I will help you without expecting any reward because I think I do owe you something..."

"Who are you? And I'm Buddhist, by the way so I don't give a flying fck about the devil." My fear is dissolving but I'm getting irritated by the minute. This guy is so long-winded.

"Kitazawa. Kitazawa Yuki."

My mind almost shut down when he said it. Mika told me before that he's dead. Dead and buried with the secret that tore this family apart. I shake my head in denial. "Bullshit...Kitazawa's dead." I say.

"I didn't mention I'm alive, did I?"

"Then that must mean you're..."

Something that resembles a cloud of smoke floats from where he should be sitting to my side and suddenly a whisper tickles my ear: "Yes, a ghost. A specter. An indebted visitant from a past you'd rather forget."

I want to scream but I think I lost my ability to actively make choices with my brain two seconds ago. If there's a mirror beside me, I'm sure I'd be sporting a Mohawk that begins on my forehead and ends on my butt. And since I've already broken out in a cold sweat, I must probably look like that popular footballer. This is one time in which I'd be very happy to have the old fart beside me. All my struggles to come up with the appropriate chant have ended in vain.

"Don't worry Tatsuha-kun. I'm not out to get you. In fact, I'm here to help." A cold something rests on my arm. And though I could never understand why, I feel my heart rate go down a little.

"But, but..." I feel so sure and articulate.

"Tatsuha-kun, listen." All of a sudden, he's in front of me, looking at me straight in the eye, his arrogance, the levity of his voice a while back, they're all gone. I also notice that he doesn't seem all there. He's not translucent or anything like the friendly ghost, but there's something else that's amiss about him that couldn't be perceived by any of the five senses. I just get the feeling that he doesn't belong in this time and space.

"What?" I ask, feeling the impotence of my words.

"I'm here to help you. Don't ask me how because it's all beyond me, impossible as my existence is, I only have an inkling as to why I was sent to you. But I know that I cannot harm you or your family and friends. All I need is your trust."

"But that's not such an easy thing to part with." It's true. He turned my brother into a selfish and arrogant jerk whose insides are festering with guilt and every imaginable negative emotion until Shuichi came along.

"I am here to ask for your forgiveness but first you have to trust me. Trust me and everything will fall into place. And then you decide if you can ever forgive me."

"But why ask for my forgiveness? Why not Eiri's? He's the one who has been harmed by your careless actions."

"Can't you see that because of what I did to Eiri, you have suffered indirectly? You are for lack of a better term, collateral damage. And had I not stopped you, the damage that I caused this family would've been complete. It would be your brother's undoing."

I am speechless. Can guilt transcend even the boundaries of life and death?

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Two of our koi seem to be sick. They probably scratched themselves on the sharp rocks on one side of the pond. Some of them eroded during the last storm. My father doesn't know about this. Good thing I know how to take care of these fish but it's a task I don't enjoy. Hauling them out of the water, smoothening the rocks, draining and replacing the water, and then there's the replacing of the fish in the water. I have to put them in plastic bags one by one and then let the bags float for half an hour in the pond for the water inside the bags to adjust to the water in the pond. It's a task alright. I wish I have someone to help me out. I haven't even finished sweeping.

And look at him. There he is, off to one side of the yard, his back on the exterior wall of Eiri's room. He's not watching me but his gaze is in my general direction. Probably thinking of something else. Again, I can't tell what about. It makes sense somehow that he's thinking because he has already implied that he's not at peace yet. There should be a lot of things he should ponder about. I never really got to know him when he was still alive and he never got to know me either. It's been two days since our first encounter. Since then, everyday banalities would remind me of him. My classmates are planning about the upcoming festival of the dead and I wonder if it will have any bearing on Kitazawa's presence. That which I have ignored and denied for so long has suddenly bit me in the ass. Spirits are real and they might be partying for three days during the Obon Festival.

Of course there's always the possibility that I am just imagining him. Why have I accepted his presence that easily? I wish I had discovered and enjoyed drugs to explain away this kind of hallucination but tragically enough, I'm clean. Perhaps my boredom has driven me to insanity.

But that would only be too easy. If one has decided to give up life, shouldn't madness be an alternative worth considering? After all, it's also a way out.

"Tatsuha."

Oh it's father. When did he get here? I turn to him. "Yes, pop?"

"Some of the koi seem unwell. Could you take care of it today? It would be a waste of resources to call a service when you're perfectly capable of doing the job." He's smiling at me as I hide my gritted teeth. It should sound distasteful if it were a master talking down to his servant but my father seems proud that I could handle the task.

"Don't antagonize him." Enter Kitazawa, stage left. It doesn't occur to me to disobey him. He probably flies from place to place. I didn't feel him come near me a while ago.

"I'll get to it as soon as I finish sweeping."

"Good boy," my father says as he pats my head even if I'm already a couple of inches taller than he is. He exits in a swish of robes. To where, I don't know. He seems to be very busy with appointments lately.

I continue sweeping, gripping the broom harder than I should. How I hate cleaning the pond. My life is a boring tragedy. The only thing I'm looking forward to is finding out if I could see other ghosts besides Kitazawa.

"You're gonna thank me for it. Just you wait." Kitazawa says.

"I don't know why I listen to you. It's not like you can help me clean the pond."

"Nothing I can do about that although I can entertain you while you're cleaning."

"Thanks but I have an MP3 player."

"Kids these days. Last time I was here, we only had cassette tapes and now they're relics of a bygone era. I would've read you some beautiful sonnets." He pauses, waiting for my response. When nothing seems forthcoming, he continues, "So tell me are you still listening to the pasticcio your brother-in-law churns?"

Ah, this guy knows where to hit. Disgust drips from his voice from the way he describes Tohma. "Yes but I wouldn't call it pasticcio, at least not those that Sakuma Ryuichi helped make."

"Sakuma...now where have I heard that name before?"

"Seguchi Tohma's best friend and the vocalist of their band."

He looks pensive for a moment, chin in hand before nodding. "Yeah...I think I met him before I died. Seguchi was always pestering me because of Eiri and there was a time or two when we had to meet and this guy with weird hair was with him. Perhaps it's him, perhaps it's not. But what the hell, right? Music's not my thing."

I try to stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Yeah, well, literature's not my thing either so thanks for the offer but, really, no thanks."

"Ooh. I think I pushed the wrong button."

"Just quit it, alright? You help me; I tolerate you; you reach nirvana."

He chuckles. He doesn't seem offended at all. "You know, you're far more entertaining than your brother."

"Once was."

"Huh?"

"Eiri once was. The Eiri you know and the Eiri today is not the same person at all."

"Oh." He looks sorry at this and as if he's struggling with words. I almost regret saying it but he has to know what happened in New York killed some parts of my brother, mostly parts that we used to be able to reach. When he came back, he was different and he made life difficult for everybody and I know I should resent him for it regardless of how unpleasant it is to resent your family but still, the three of us remaining, Dad, Mika and I were unable to do anything but attempt to understand him.

We're quiet for a few minutes until he says something so softly that I'm not even sure I heard it. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I ask.

"I'm sorry. It's not enough but it's all I can offer right now. Just to let you know that I am sorry."

"Well, it's over now. At least we're doing something to correct it."

"Yeah." I see his smile and I realize what drew people to him. If only he didn't have that side to him.

TBC

Note: I am disappointed with the snail's pace of this story and I'm trying to work something out to remedy it. I hope I get my groove back. It's been a while since I've undertaken a multi-chaptered – and I hope – a plot-driven story. Comments and criticisms are welcome.


	4. Chapter 4

**This Stretch of Road**

**Chapter 4**

A month later, I have become accustomed to Kitazawa's constant presence. I see no other ghosts even though he's with me all the time, regardless if I'm performing rites or banging someone. It should sound kinky and annoying but I figured that he's done worse during his lifetime. He's in no position to judge my lifestyle. Anyway, for his benefit, I've curtailed my hedonistic undertakings since that day that I had to take care of the fish so he doesn't have to endure anything much. But he does keep reminding me of my duties and appearances. I have to be kind, courteous and responsible. Hah! As if I'm not all that already to begin with.

Sure. Only when somebody's looking.

Really, I'm smarter than I look. In other words, I'm smarter than my brother. Funny, na? I want the best of both worlds. I want a fallback in case I don't become Sakuma-san's wife in the future who lives off his enormous fortune. Eiri is an irreverent punk who's fiercely independent because he knows he has talent and he has put away enough booty to hire an entire squad of people who will take care of him when he grows old and senile, from the chauffeur to the girls in his harem. It all boils down to how strong my hold in this world is. I - a student who's almost always flat broke - need to smooch ass in order to sustain my secret lifestyle. And it's a secret because if the people whose asses - mainly my dad's friends - I polish find out about what I do to and with their girls _and_ sons, they'll realize my utter lack of sincerity. It's obvious that it would only be too easy for these flings of mine to blackmail me. That is if I'm not able to find anything blackmail-worthy in their bedrooms first. I have two boxes of such material at home, hidden underneath loose floorboards covered by my desk. I am after all, however indirectly, related to Seguchi Tohma. And just like him, I believe that survival's just a matter of leverage.

It's a sweet deal, my life, I realize. I only want to end it because dad's pressuring me to accept the responsibility of being the monk of this temple and forget about the possibility of Eiri's ever assuming it. The old fart also wants me to take a sabbatical on my studies and go for further ascetic training in the mountains to rid me of my unnatural devotion to my God, Sakuma-sama. What the hell is his hurry?

Now that I think about it, it might not be too late to kill myself.

Or maybe I'll just go along with Kitazawa for now and see where his guidance takes me. He's telling me to be nice to my dad but wouldn't tell me why. Maybe he'll slip now. Better not start the question with why.

"Hey, care to tell me the significance of my blind obedience to father?"

"Kid, I spent nearly half of my life dealing with words and sentence structures; you're not going to get it out of me that easy," he says with an insulted expression.

"It's worth a try."

"Forget it. Your father is headed this way."

It's worth noting that my father has been greatly pleased with my behavior as of late. He's also popping in and out of the house at random times lately. Meetings and stuff, he'd say. What else could a monk be doing by being outside for so long? Once though, Mika went with him to Buddha knows where and they never told me what it was about. Perhaps, I should also admit that at that time, I didn't care enough to ask. I've grown accustomed to his absence. They were cutting me some slack, why question it? It's especially irksome for me if my father's around because he keeps giving orders as if I were a messenger for a battalion instead of a single underage civilian. Also, I keep biting back my ripostes to Kitazawa's jocund monologues and it's driving me crazy. I know he means no harm and he's not even trying to insult me but it's difficult to not react to someone who's incessantly seeking your attention.

"Tatsuha, your hair needs trimming. I don't want you to resemble your irresponsible brother. Take a break and get yourself a haircut," father announces. He hands me enough money to get a haircut and a massage. Not bad, eh?

And then my father continues, "Why not shave it all off?"

Ick. My hair stands up on its ends. Kitazawa's laughter serves as background music to my horror.

I'd rather look like a disgruntled salaryman. Kitazawa stops laughing and starts singing "The House of the Rising Sun" because he thinks it's funny. He sways between fond gaiety to grave reticence. If he had sung in front of Eiri like that back when he was alive, Eiri would have had enough reason to shoot him.

How long must I put up with this lively ghost?

- - -

It's afternoon already and I've finished my chores. I head to the barber that our family knows in the closest commercial district on foot because it's such a nice day. And because I'm saving my gas for my next trip to Tokyo. Anyway, this barber has a daughter who once jumped off a bridge. She did that because her father disapproved of her being in a rock band. I, for one, couldn't blame her father's stand against her for the sole reason that one could get more entertainment from painting pedestrian lanes with White Out than listening to their music. But back to the story, instead of running away, she tried to prove her point and go through the theatrics of the jumping-off-a-bridge-you-can't-stop-me process. So she jumped, landed flat against the water and broke some ribs but didn't die. Of course, the paramedics standing by were able to save her. Unfortunately for her, there was a lot of pain because of the bruises and fractured bones and there's only so much morphine a body can take. In short, it was a fiasco. She compounded her emotional pain with the harrowing physical type. Her family was disgraced, her college fund was used to cover for her hospital bills, she was disowned by her father, her treasured band fell apart and she's now considered as a social outcast.

Yeah, it's sad, cruel and unfair.

If that happened to me, I'll bet my sweet ass Tohma would do everything in his power to hush the whole incident up and Mika, wracked by guilt for leaving me in Kyoto, would enlist the services of the most expensive shrink she could find. Father would tell me I'm weak and realize that I'm unfit to be his successor and then he'd pester Eiri into coming back which would then cause Eiri to return to the temple (if only to placate father until he dies) and be all gloomy-like. That would mean he and Shuichi wouldn't be getting any and boy, nothing spells catastrophe better than that. Shuichi would give ennui a whole new definition with the aid of his collection of kinky costumes. Their crazy manager would literally pull out the big guns and get to the bottom of it. Or the bottom of me – my ass, I mean. And I would be history before the handsomely compensated shrink can make any progress with my head.

Note to self: Never make any half-assed attempts at suicide. I might get off worse than the barber's daughter.

"What are you thinking of?" Kitazawa asks as he walks beside me.

"Just wondering what it would be like if my family finds out that I honestly want to off myself." I'm really just speculating here objectively. Not fishing for sympathy. My disconnection from the world prevents me from feeling the need for it. And even if I were, what kind of sympathy would I get from a dead man?

"Your sister will feel sad and guilty. Eiri…I don't know Eiri anymore so I don't know how he'll react."

"Yeah…he'll probably tell me that he could use me as material for his next novel.1"

"And Tohma will think it's an inconvenient time for you to be interested in drama."

I laugh at that and ignore the people who give me looks of astonishment. He probably knows Tohma better than I do so I couldn't argue. We're now at the building where the barbershop's at and I enter it.

- - -

On our way home, content with my hairstyle, I see the car of the family's lawyer, Matsumoto-san, heading out of the narrow but long and winding driveway of the temple. His face is set in a grim expression and contrary to the usual practice he doesn't even give me a nod when we cross each other's path. Did he even see me at all? I wonder what his business with father is. I continue my way up and see Mika's fully loaded Slate Gray Porsche Carrera GT. I think she only bought it to annoy my brother-in-law.

I'd ask her if I could take it out on a spin but there are a lot of questions going through my head right now. I'm sure the answers involve father. Mika's the only one who might be willing to give me information and I know I'd find her in the kitchen, preparing a meal for the three of us. She always does that whenever she comes home, as if it's the only way to make herself settle more easily at her old home after spending so much time in a fast-paced and high class lifestyle. Or as I like to call it: de-glamourization.

I enter the kitchen and see Mika crying over slices of onions.

"Aneki, it's been a while," I greet her without inflection in my voice.

She looks up in surprise and frantically wipes her eyes with the sleeves of her turquoise sweater. "Oh, Tatsuha!" She comes near me and gives me a hug. Well, this is bizarre. My siblings are the least touchy-feely people I know.

"What's up with Dad?" I decide to cut through the chase.

Mika doesn't answer immediately. She purses her lips and goes to the sink to wash her hands. She takes her sweet time doing it. She begins explaining but doesn't look at me: "Father's not well. His heart is failing. I have just convinced him to stay in the hospital where people can take care of him in case…in case…" At this, she falls on her knees and starts weeping openly. I turn to Kitazawa for any clues but he's not even looking at me. I'm able to put the pieces together now. He knew about this. That's why he keeps on harping about my duties and manners! But that's not what's important now. I kneel beside Mika and put my arms around her shoulders. This feels so awkward. I ask her: "How long have you known?"

"Only for the past month. I couldn't tell you because it's already too late. Father has been going to his regular monthly checkups but every time I ask him about the doctor's diagnosis, he tells me he's fine. When I visited last month, I saw the doctor's diagnosis and prescriptions on his dresser…"

"Then how long? Is there a cure for this?"

Mika doesn't answer but just shakes her head, her face buried in my shoulder, her tears soaking my shirt.

I'm surprisingly calm about all this. I guess it would take a little longer for things to sink in. What would probably hurt me later is the fact that I have been so wrapped around myself, I never even noticed my father is terminally ill. And I expect the pain to persist because fact is one of the most stubborn things in this world.

TBC

1 A tribute to HRT's Aschenmonch story wherein Eiri asks Tatsuha for permission to use the incident that transpired in one of his stories.

Note: I'm starting to regret that I did this in the First Person and in the Present Tense. It's so hard to plant plot details and the terminations of chapters come too close to one another. Or maybe I'm just not used to it. I'll think more on this later. And just in case anybody's wondering, eventual pairing is TatsuhaxRyuichixTatsuha. There's also another person to which I'll pair Tatsuha with to make things juicier. Comments and criticisms are welcome.


	5. Chapter 5

**This Stretch of Road**

**Chapter 5**

Night has already fallen. After our strange and emotional episode in the kitchen, Mika went to her old room, unable to finish cooking the meal. No dinner for both of us then. No appetite to speak of either.

I can hear the shrill noise created by the cicadas from outside my room. If I concentrate on it hard enough, their noise will meld with the long beep that plays in my head when there's nothing else to listen to. Perhaps, I should put on my earphones and drown my problems with Sakuma-san's voice. Perhaps not. I know how painful it is when I come crashing back to this dry existence.

Perhaps calling Eiri could help. I don't know. It would really hurt if he doesn't care. He and father have not genuinely talked for over five years now. If he doesn't care, it's easy to imagine what his reaction would be if either Mika or I died and I'd rather not confirm my suspicions about that right now. Not when there's too much to handle all at once. I go to my futon and sit on it in the lotus position but with my arms folded.

Father's dying and a large part of what's bothering me is the fact that my time to replace him as the monk of this temple will come sooner than expected. Is that selfish or what? I will be an orphan before I can have the license to vote. Like little Oliver Twist who was asking for more.

More what?

More justice in this world, that's what. This world is a goddamn fucking soup full of stinking cabbage.

"I'm sorry," Kitazawa breaks the silence and this time, I can't find the words to say to him. I look at him while he stands by the doorway.

"Look, I think we need to talk and I know you can't fully express yourself here so...would you like to go somewhere else? I need your trust but you have a lot of questions and if I don't answer what I can, we'll be going nowhere. Not without your trust."

Opening my mouth seems like a lot of trouble for me. Yes, I have a couple of burning questions but I just feel like going into a deep trance and entering another dimension where I'm just imagining all of this. Anyway, I just shrug my shoulders and stand up, gathering my wallet and my IPod.

"Please don't bring that along. I'm dead and invisible and I don't want another excuse for humans to not notice me. It's so rude when people put on their earphones when they have company. Alive or otherwise."

I couldn't help but wipe my face with my hand in exasperation. "Fine," I say and put down the player on the books beside my futon. The sliding door makes little sound as I walk out of it, too soft to be heard above the din of the insects.

We should take the motorcycle. I have a feeling that I don't need to save gas.

But wait...

Why not take Mika's car? She's depressed. She'll agree to anything.

- - - - - -

After driving around the narrow but deserted streets of Kyoto in Mika's car, letting off steam, I find myself lying on my back on one of the benches in the deeper part of the park, staring at the night sky. If anyone sees me speaking when there's nobody around, they'd just assume I'm talking to myself and certainly, not to a ghost who's hovering over me.

"So you knew." I decide to begin the conversation with the foremost topic in my head.

"Yes. You were thinking too hard about it during the whole ride."

"Yeah. Among other things. What else do you know that I don't about stuff that concerns me?"

"There's a lot but most of them, I can't tell you. This may be beyond the realm of your understanding but I was sent here with powers and knowledge that live humans don't have. With these abilities come some rules and there are penalties if I ever break any of them. I have to gain your trust and tell you what you must do to reach our goals easier but I can't tell you exactly what the future contains if you pick this or that road. And I can't deceive you either (if you can believe me). Neither can I forcibly stop you from making your own decisions."

"What would happen if you break a rule?"

"I'll be sent away from you for a certain amount of time depending on the gravity of my mistake. As for the punishment, don't even ask because I'm not allowed to tell you either."

"It's all so different from what I imagine afterlife would be. I used to think that after we die, we go to some psychedelic place where people keep floating around, being happy that it is the end of the road and that they have to wait for nothing else."

"It's not like some New Age shit, that's for sure. But don't think about it too much now. Why don't you allow yourself to be surprised when the time comes? No amount of words could describe it anyway so it would be futile to spend time imagining it."

"You've got a point. Anyway, does it mean you can't tell me how long father has?"

"You can always ask your sister. Once she gets her stuff together, that is. She's under too much stress nowadays. And there's always the good doctor."

"I guess I would have to continue playing the good son then."

"If you trust me, then you should."'

"Is it bad if I'm obedient to you even if I have a lot of reservations about this? You always tell me to trust you but I'm not sure if I really do..."

"And the only reason you're following what I tell you is because it doesn't seem that bad of an advice?"

"Pretty much. I mean I really have to be kind to my father because I don't want him to leave this world thinking that he failed me as a father too so even if you don't tell me to, I might have done it anyway."

"I can see that we're going to have problems in the future. I would have to prove to you that I am here with good intentions and I have the capacity to deliver what I promised."

"Well, that's one problem settled but not finished. What about father? I'm only 17. Someone would have to take me in. Or if things go the other way, even if I can manage my affairs on my own, being the head monk of an established temple is a daunting task."

"That'll probably be the least of your worries. You have two very rich siblings who can put you up without making a dent in their pockets. Also, you're an independent person so they wouldn't need to check on you very often. If you have to run the temple, your father has a lot of friends who can assist you and I'm sure he has talked to somebody about it." Kitazawa pauses for a second, purses his lips and shakes his head before continuing: "Forgive me for asking but why are you being so selfish?"

"Huh?"

"All you were asking about is your welfare. Do you realize that your father is going through a very difficult time? His eldest daughter is leading a very busy life. He and his eldest son have alienated each other. And you, you aren't even out of high school yet and he's going to die without knowing you or what you really want to do."

I lift my head to look at him for a second in puzzlement. How come he's suddenly so indignant? "What the heck, man?"

"I'm sorry I got carried away. Let's get back. You need rest because you're in for a wild week."

"What's going to happen?" I ask as I get ready to stand up from the bench.

"That, my friend, you will have to see for yourself."

"Who told you we're friends?"

He just laughs my question off.

- - - - - -

It's 8 am in the morning. I am standing outside Mika's door, listening to the silence. When some people are depressed, they cry. Like Shuichi. Others overeat. Like Ayaka1. Others, like me and Eiri, get laid. Others like Sakano-san, vacillate between being a part of the wall and evaporating as a cloud. Others, like Tohma-niisan - gee, I don't know if he ever gets depressed. Anyway, Mika, when depressed, cries first and then withdraws to herself later. Opposite of her normal proactive, decidedly meddlesome self, she just keeps to herself and more importantly, keeps so quiet and inconspicuous you don't even know she's there. That's when you know it's really bad. Later, when she's had enough drama, she'll emerge as the queen mother of all bitches.

There's one thing though that bothers me. I might be wrong - and it's shameless of me to suggest it - but maybe there's something else bothering Mika. My dad's dying, yeah but, she's old and self-sufficient and she has lived without father for so long that it's strange for her to be this near a nervous breakdown just because she found out that he kept it from everyone that he's dying.

"Aneki, it's time to come out. Father's waiting for us in the hospital. He just called." I explain to her door.

A few moments later, the _shouji_ slides open with a bang. My sister comes out looking exhausted but still glamorous. She's wearing a leather A-line skirt and a green and white striped asymmetrical top. She must have been anticipating this. Otherwise, it would have taken her a whole hour to decide what to wear.

"I better not see a fucking dent anywhere in my car..." she says with enough venom to make me wince. She grabs for the keys that I'm holding and stomps off in her Blahniks.

- - - - - -

That went well. I didn't cry (I was overcome with shock) when the doctor told us Father has a little over a month to live but I cried a little when Father was talking to me. I couldn't help it. I was humbled. He kept going on about how admirable my behavior has been and that it was more than he could have hoped for. Then I cried a little more when we got to the elevator after I realized that he's letting me go; he has seen my efforts despite my ill-concealed restlessness and because of that, he has realized that with a little perseverance, I might find contentment in a place outside the temple. He proudly states that he has no fear of leaving this sphere when his youngest son is capable of looking after himself and his happiness. And ultimately, that's what he wants for the three of us. He told me with acuity that is frightening in dying people: "I don't want to leave you with a legacy that you will regard as a sentence. It is disrespectful for the temple and demeaning to your endeavor to make this old man happy."

Okay, I didn't cry a little; I cried a lot. I was such a mess that I couldn't concentrate enough when he was talking to Mika. A while ago, I was no different from the snotty-nosed four-year old brat who had clung to her sister for comfort as their mother lay on the hospital bed, pallid and unresponsive.

And now we are headed home in Mika's car. The straining emotions in the car might be grating on my dead companion. On the backseat, he's humming a strange and melancholy song called "Whiter Shade of Pale" and by golly, if he means anything more by it, I don't know what the heck it is.

- - - - - -

We arrive home and see a Bentley parked in Mika's usual spot. The only person I know it could belong to is...

"Mika-san, Tatsuha-kun, welcome back," my brother-in-law announces as he stretches out his hands in greeting.

"What are you doing here?" Mika asks at the same time that Kitazawa asks, "What is he doing here?" I've never heard Kitazawa's tone sound so full of malice.

Mika's manner is cold. She keeps her arms folded even as Tohma approaches her, holding his hands out to take hers. She ignores his gesture and walks towards the direction of the living area, knowing that Tohma has no other choice but to follow.

When they were out of earshot, I realize something and say to Kitazawa: "Marriage problem." Perhaps, this is the other thing that's bothering Mika.

And he answers: "A marriage problem where there ought no to be. They call it trouble in paradise."

TBC


End file.
